Darkness, fear, nothing remains of the shattered world apart from the piles of rubble where buildings and houses used to be nobody is in sight im the only survivor but not for long, soon the radiation will cover the area around me and seep through my body and in the state im in knowing I don't have time to get out i'm trapped in this destroyed world and no one else can save me.
It's been a few hours know and I can feel the radiation going thru my body in a short time I'll be paralized and completely unable to move just as I think it's over I see something moving ahead of me I'm in shock and have nothing to defend myself with so I just lay there and hope that it's a person, it is he helps me get up and out of the ruble and tells me he knows somewhere safe to go however the radiation is killing me fast and I have to move quickly because he has nothing to cure my sickness, at this point I'm certain that there is no way out for both of us he keeps insisting that I go with him but I can't face the dangers because of my sickness however he does convince me after a while and we finally leave.
After walking for a while we both enter a forest area most of it is gone however some animals might still remain there to stranger hands me a rifle and tells me to look out because the radiation might make them more aggresive or mutated as we enter the forest we find a hut looking thing and we go there hoping theres someone inside however no one is there we go in to
wait and suddenly somthing flies past we look where it hit and are shocked to see a bullet hole straight thru it the stranger says its the bombers, I can already tell that the milatary was here searching for survivers we instantly get our rifles out run and hope we aren’t going to be gunned down by some crazy man with a machine gun after awhile we escape and me and the stranger stop to talk to each other he takes off his helmet and to my suprise it’s a girl at about the same age as me (14) she says here name is tess and that she was sent to find survivers and help them get to her crews base then im met with another person tod, tod was older but not very smart I could tell that something bad was going to happen with hime around so I left straight away however it was much harder now because the raidiation was entering my body but I can continue a bit longer after awhile tod starts talking and talking and wont shut up then we see a carrier helicopter fly over us and soon a bunch of solders jump out we manage to fight the off because todd somehow got better weapons from his base we fight most of them and then I go up the hill to find the commander and then I hear a screem both tess and todd are captured I go to...
Great writing, Levi! You have a strong hook which introduces the setting.
ReplyDeleteA lot of action going on! Good to see a quick description of the character who takes off their helmet, followed by some dialogue.
Next you could try including a simile. (Comparison)
"I felt as if..."
"The forest looks like...."
Good afternoon my Levi
ReplyDeleteI like how your story goes straight into action. It's a very entertaining read.
Next time, you could make use of some suspense between the action to make it more interesting, as well as to lengthen it.
Apart from that there's some minor spelling and punctuation errors, but nothing which takes away from the story.
Sincerely yours
Your future wife